Waiting…

While I have a little time to blog…I just thought I’d get some things off of my chest. A lot of times I feel I do not have anyone that I can talk to, other than God of course. I know I do have some people, but it gets complicated when you’re in a relationship, ya know? You’re significant other thinks that you are putting everyone in your business, so you’re kind of left holding things in.

I talk to God…don’t get me wrong…but it is hard when there isn’t a physical human-being there to nod their head, or hug me when I need it. No disrespect to you Lord…I’m just saying. 🙂

A lot of times I look at how well my friends and acquaintances are doing (on Facebook). I smile, and I get really happy when there is something new and great going on in their lives. Then, I think about how I would love to be experiencing some of those same things. I know, I know…what’s meant for someone else may not be meant for me. I know I have also experienced some new chapters in my life…but it gets hard when some things that you REALLY want…are not happening. I know I have to be patient, and continue praying. It’s just sometimes when I see it happening for everyone else…I wonder…”What about me?” “Don’t I deserve that as well?”

It seems like I am always happy for other people…and I cannot wait for it to be my turn…if it ever will be my turn. Not to be negative…sometimes I get a little discouraged. Especially when I know how great of a person I am…how hard I work…how patient I’ve been…and how much I deserve all that is meant for me. I just wonder…if any of these things will ever happen for me. But it warms my heart…to know that so many people are able to experience these wonderful new chapters…considering this harsh world we live in today. It makes me so happy.

Lord…help me to remain faithful, hopeful, and patient. I know your will shall be done…I just had to share that…now I’m relieved. Have a great afternoon wonderful people. God bless.

Where has the love gone?

I remember growing up and listening to stories of married couples…how they were married…things that have happened in their marriage…and how long they have been married. Over the years, I have witnessed people who have had both parents in their household growing up. I would always say, “one day…I’ll be able to experience that.” Just being able to see that two people can be in love with the same person for such a long time…it made me happy. It made me smile. I love to see people in love…it makes me warm inside. Getting older, it just does not seem as though love is anywhere near the same as it was when our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents got married. Back then, it seemed like people knew where they wanted to be, and if they had indiscretions, it wasn’t publicly broadcasted. They knew that they wanted to be with each other no matter what transpired.

These days, I fear that my generation does not know what it means to fight for something that they really want…or someone that they truly love. I don’t know about anyone else…but all I want…is for the man that I love to need me in his life. All I want…is to feel like his heart is for no one else but me. I want to be his Queen…I want him to think the world of me…to smile when he sees me and when he thinks of me. I want…just to be the woman that this man adores…to be loved…more than a person thought they could love someone.

If I feel that for someone…I want to be reciprocated. Don’t you just hate the feeling where you don’t know if they feel the same…or feeling as though they do NOT feel the same? I’m sure we have all experienced that. It sucks…doesn’t it?

Hopefully, that special someone does love me…way more than I think that they do. It sucks not being able to read a person’s heart or their mind. Just some random thoughts…

If everyone cared…if everyone loved…the world could be such a better place.

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley

2-Time Mommy…

I recently gave birth to my second child, a baby boy named Janson (now 3 months old). I have an 18-month old character by the name of London. It has been hard adjusting to having two. I finally made it to the point where London could walk, she could start eating on her own, she sleeps all night…and then BAM! Back to square one…lol. I had to start all over! I was a nervous wreck when Janson was first born. I could not possibly fathom how I was going to be able to manage taking care of two children so close in age. London is somewhat independent, but she is in fact…still a baby. Our big baby. When I say ‘our’ I’m speaking of myself and my boyfriend, Jerry…we have our own funny story…lol. Life has its way of making you grow up…and one day…I had to woman up and not THINK about how to take care of both of them…but to just…DO IT. And I must say…it has gotten a lot easier now that I stress and worry less about it. I wish there was a book to use on being a mother…but then again…that would take the fun out of experiencing the unexpected things in life. To those of you out there who think that you may not be able to do it, or that you are not doing a good job…I’m telling you…you CAN do it…and you ARE doing a WONDERFUL job. As long as you love them with all of your heart, you are taking care of them, and their needs and wants come first…I believe the rest will come as it should. These two are the best thing that could have happened to my boyfriend and I…and although I don’t get to have Daddy to my self anymore…lol…life without them just doesn’t make sense… I am truly grateful…and blessed.